There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
