So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Enjoy the penises
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
