come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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