I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
