Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
