I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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