im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
