Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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