Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
