I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
