Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
