oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
