just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
