I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
