I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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