"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
