someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
