there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
