in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
