lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
