and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
