Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
