I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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