I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just pee around me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
