I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone signed my nipple.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
