remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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