I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
PANTIES FOUND
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize