my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
