got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
