I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize