i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
