the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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