At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
