It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
