i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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