Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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