this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
