oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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