everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize