rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
