i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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