I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
