our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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