what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I want is dick and wine.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
