I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
