i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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