I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
