dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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