i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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