Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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