I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
