pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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