then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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