I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Im part way to drunk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
