just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
