Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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