I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
