dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
even my farts smell like vagina
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
