Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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