Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
