im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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