when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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