College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
