no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
