youre lurking in front of me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
