why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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