A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
