the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
