We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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