i don't like sucking hair
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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