I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
