help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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