he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
