we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am one with the molecules
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
