I wish I could teleport
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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