you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
