Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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