Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize