pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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