I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
